I'm not quite sure why I decided to start a blog. Maybe it's to organize my thoughts, maybe it's to share my craziness with others. Whatever the reason... here goes.
My 26 years in this world have been wildly affected by "the two A's"- anxiety and addiction.
Anxiety became a part of my life around the age of eight. I didn't know why but I began having anxiety attacks (at that age I had no idea what was happening). Through high school these attacks took a horrible toll on me. Trying to understand why, how to control it, how to hide it, etc. If any of you have ever had an anxiety attack you can relate to the horrors. It took a very long time to establish a sense of "normalcy." Anxiety disorders tend to make a sufferer feel a constant need for control. In this crazy world, there is no such thing. Now, at 26, I can proudly say my anxiety is under control. Obviously, it will always be something I live with but it is not a predominant part of me any longer.
I became personally affected (or as I look at it, injured) by addiction around the age of 19 when my younger brother's drug addiction rose to the surface. Dealing with addiction in your family is an unbelievable roller coaster of emotions. At any point during the day I would be sad, angry, confused, but mostly terrified. Why him? Why us? "Everything happens for a reason" becomes a personal attack. If that's true, why in the HELL is this happening?
My family has been dealing with this for years now and every single day brings different emotions. Some days are joyful and hopeful while others days bring pure fear. I know this, like anxiety, will be a lifelong struggle. Just because I know that doesn't mean I've accepted it.
